Does Not Compute

Hung Jury

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 20:04:35 GMT

It was 8-3 (0ne juror was dismissed) for my stepfather (the defense). The second trial is supposed to happen in April but it seems that with this ratio, the government has to think hard about whether or not it's worth prosecuting again. So, my stepfather is home for Christmas and New Year's and that's all I care about. Thanks to all of you who supported us throughout this time.

all things go

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 04:48:51 GMT

I stole that subject line from Sufjan Stevens. ILLINOIS is very amazing.

OK, so everything is just fine right now. Please disregard my old entries that I wrote while sad. I am currently happy and so should you be. The weather is being very cooperative, and so is all of this music that I'm listening to:

Sufjan Stevens
The New Pornographers
The Beach Boys
The Ronettes
Andrew Bird
Asia
Eddie Money

The last two started as jokes but grew on me.

Finally, the Interpol concert I attended with my little bro last night was awesome. I still like Interpol even while scorning them. Hmm.

The Onion's genius comes true

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 04:10:27 GMT

OMG...this is fucking awesome:

First go here (from Feb. 2004):
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33930

Then go here (from this week):
http://money.cnn.com/2005/09/14/news/fortune500/gillette/index.htm

I stole this progression from my college bud, Eric Feder (in case he's reading this...I must cite the original author. He cited Andrew Sullivan. So, maybe I should have just cited Andrew Sullivan and cut out the middle man. But...he's my college bud! My pal! My friend! We're mano-a-mano!)

Bloc Party...um...

Sat, 17 Sep 2005 03:07:51 GMT

Why did it take me this long to come around to Bloc Party? I dismissed them the minute my brother mentioned them on the way out of the last Arcade Fire show for which one could get tickets without worrying about it selling out in nanoseconds. Why am I a snob when most good things are popular for a reason? Not all things, just most things. And by popular, I guess I mean New Yorkers like them. And little pockets of people around the country in cool cities like Portland, I guess. Or, how I imagine Portland to be. Anyone want to go there with me soon? Like, maybe next Spring? And Seattle, too? And Vancouver? I'm itching to go.

Anyway, Bloc Party is fucking ridiculously good. "So Here We Are"? Amazing. "Blue Light"? Unbelievable. "This Modern Love"? Best song on the album (currently). Too bad I just missed their show.

I'm exhausted, by the way.

Gaping Abyss EP is finally on its way

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 05:01:37 GMT

We got two tracks down today: "That's the Way It Is in the Circus" and "The Dynamic." More to come.

A little bit of justice?

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 20:06:00 GMT

FEMA asshole got semi-sacked.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/09/national/nationalspecial/09cnd-fema.html?hp&ex=1126324800&en=28e107914baf982f&ei=5094&partner=homepage

Katrina sucks d!ck

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 04:05:44 GMT

I had to say it. I hate that hurricane. It's weird to just go on with life as normal. But one good thing is that at the faculty meeting, we decided to donate some money to the Red Cross for their rebuilding efforts.

Alcohol as lubricant

Thu, 01 Sep 2005 03:54:38 GMT

So, I already found my after-work drinking group. Nice. I'm going to love Friday happy hour at Last Exit. Best thing about it is that I just walked home without worrying about waiting for the subway. I guess the winter will change things because it's a twenty minute walk, but for now through December, it's smooth sailing ahead.

Taxonomy of a good day

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 22:16:56 GMT

Today was good. Life is going to be good.

The new Death Cab is out. I rode my bike--newly outfitted with better tires and tubes--to school, just a seven minute ride. Then, I locked it up in the idyllic (for a city, at least) garden. Then, I learned about teaching, and thought about how exciting it is for my job to require thinking about how I'm doing my job. This sort of self-analysis reminded of the type of work I used to do in college. We even talked a little bit about linguistics today over the nice lunch at La Traviata, where the new Physics teacher, Velouse, handed me a piece of paper with some new venues where I can check out opera. The afternoon part of the classroom management section was full of tips on how to control the classroom; and so many things applied to real life. One was even about coming out of yourself and visualizing yourself from afar and realizing that you are in a good place--putting things into perspective and giving you the peace of mind that your life is actually good and that the moment you think is going badly is just that, a moment. Also, learning to say "no" is very important. Also, I learned that the middle school head got dumped by his girlfriend of four years over the summer, and that it was very, very tough for him. And he kept talking throughout the day about how he's one of those people who has a hard time letting go of hurt...and I realized that I'm not the only person like this. There's solace in that. And then I thought, it doesn't even hurt anymore. My life is in fact better now--I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm working at an awesome school, I'm playing with an awesome band, and I don't even remember what it was like to not be single. I just have images of certain moments, and yes, I still analyze things, but finally getting to work has pushed me into the next stage of my life and is making me realize how ordinary and insignificant my relationship was, and that there will be others that will be more special in the future, whenever then come. Until then, I'm going to be the awesome new Spanish teacher who plays in a band and is a good person, just like I've always been. No more doubting my own self-worth because some confused girl didn't find enough good in me to stick around. I was just reacting to the feeling of rejection and losing someone who I thought meant every word she said. I've got plenty of friends, family, and now colleagues who make my life fulfilling.

At the end of the day, I hung out in the library with my really interesting and cool department--Anita (my boss and crusader), Mark (who's full of ideas for how to teach and we're going to team up a few times this year), and Jose (who is bringing me back to my Cuban upbringing and cracks me up). I love that library--so old fashioned. That whole building. Then, I rode home to work. Yesterday after work, Anita took Jose and me to get some coffee and we talked about the nature of diversity in the school system and society in Latin America. I'm so excited about having more of these discussions.

The new Death Cab has too many ballads, though. But I hadn't yet discovered this as I was grinning and riding home on my bike. It was downhill basically the whole way. I even got a little breeze going despite the nasty humidity.

The greatest thing about riding a bike may perhaps be that going downhill is something you can look forward to.

Here is another stand-alone sentence that might be packed with meaning.

Here is a closing sentence.

I don't like emoticons right now...or anymore.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 20:37:42 GMT

I don't like emoticons right now...or anymore.
They're not very useful.
But when you want to put on a face
They're great, as long as people don't know
You're full of bull(shit)

The new New Pornographers is amazing.

Happy Birthday, Orly!

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 06:44:53 GMT

Here's to the most optimistic, fun-loving, comforting, kind, awesome person I know. Hope you have a chill Saturday. Do absolutely nothing. I love that Capone place. We must hit that place several more times in our lives to come.

-Mario

Stephin Merritt: Genius

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 19:55:26 GMT

I want to build a tribute to Stephin Merritt and The Magnetic Fields. Again, I'm only going to post song lyrics. But damn, they're good. Heartbreakingly true or hilarious, depending on what mood you're in.

ABSOLUTELY CUCKOO:

Don't fall in love with me yet
We only recently met
True I'm in love with you but
you might decide I'm a nut
Give me a week or two to
go absolutley cuckoo
then, when you see your error,
then, you can flee in terror
like everybody else does
I only tell you this cause
I'm easy to get rid of
but not if you fall in love
Know now that I'm on the make
and if you make a mistake
my heart will certainly break
I'll have to jump in a lake
and all my friends will blame you
There's no telling what they'll do
It's only fair to tell you
I'm absolutely cuckoo

ALL MY LITTLE WORDS

You are a splendid butterfly
It is your wings that make you beautiful
And I could make you fly away
But I could never make you stay
You said you were in love with me
Both of us know that that's impossible
And I could make you rue the day
But I could never make you stay

Not for all the tea in China
Not if I could sing like a bird
Not for all North Carolina
Not for all my little words
Not if I could write for you
The sweetest song you ever heard
It doesn't matter what I'll do
Not for all my little words

Now that you've made me want to die
You tell me that you're unboyfriendable
And I could make you pay and pay
But I could never make you stay

I THINK I NEED A NEW HEART

Time stands still
All I can feel is the time standing still

as you put down the keys
and say don't call me please
while the radio plays

"I Think I Need a New Heart" ohhh

"I Think I Need a New Heart" ohhh

You've lied too
but it's a sin that I
can't tell the truth
cause it all comes out wrong
unless I put it in a song
so the radio plays
"I Think I Need a New Heart"
just for you
"I Think I Need a New Heart"

cause I always say I love you
when I mean turn out the light
and I say let's run away
when I just mean stay the night
but the words you want to hear
you will never hear from me

I'll never say "happy anniversary"
never stay to say "happy anniversary"

so I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
I think I need a new heart ohhh
Give me time

I DON'T WANT TO GET OVER YOU

I don't want to get over you
I guess I could take a sleeping pill and sleep at will
And not have to go through what I go through
I guess I should take Prozac, right,
And just smile all night at somebody new,
Somebody not too bright but sweet and kind
Who would try to get you off my mind
I could leave this agony behind
Which is just what I'd do if I wanted to,
But I don't want to get over you

'Cause I don't want to get over love
I could listen to my therapist, pretend you don't exist
And not have to dream of what I dream of;
I could listen to all my friends and go out again
And pretend it's enough,
Or I could make a career of being blue--
I could dress in black and read Camus,
Smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth
Like I was seventeen
That would be a scream
But I don't want to get over you

THE BOOK OF LOVE

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures
And instructions for dancing
But I I love it when you read to me
And you you can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings

GRAND CANYON

If I was the Grand Canyon
I'd echo everything you say
But I'm just me
I'm only me
And you used to love me that way
So you know how to love me that way

If I was Paul Bunyan I'd carry you so far away
But I'm just me
I'm only me
And you used to love me that way
So you know how to love me that way

EPITAPH FOR MY HEART

"Caution: to prevent electric shock do not remove cover
No user-serviceable parts insde Refer servicing to qualified
service personnel"
Let this be the epitaph for my heart
Cupid put too much poison in the dart
This is the epitaph for my heart because it's gone, gone gone
And life goes on and on anon
And death goes on, world without end
And you're not my friend
Who will mourn the passing of my heart
Will its little droppings climb the pop chart
Who'll take its ashes and,
Singing, fling them from the top of the Brill Building
And life goes on, and dawn, and dawn
And death goes on, world without end
And you're not my friend

YEAH! OH, YEAH!

Are you out of love with me?
Are you longing to be free?
Do I drive you up a tree?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Do I drive you up the wall?
Do you dread every phone call?
Can you not stand me at all?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Though I need you more than air
is it true you just don't care?
Are you having an affair?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

When we met I thought
money was everything
so I let you buy the house,
the car, the ring
but I can't take your perpetual whining
and you can't sing

I thought if we live apart
we could made a brand-new start
Do you want to break my heart?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!
I've enjoyed making you
miserable for years
found peace of mind in
playing on your fears
How I loved to catch your gold
and silver tears, but now my dear

What a dark and dreary life
Are you reaching for a knife?
Could you really kill your wife?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

Of, I die, I die, I die!
So it's over, you and I
Was my whole life just a lie?

Yeah! Oh, yeah!

I DON'T REALLY LOVE YOU ANYMORE

True, I'd give my right arm
To keep you safe from harm
And true, for you, I'd move to Ecuador
And I'd keep a little farm
Chop wood to keep you warm
But I don't really love you anymore

I don't have to love you now if I don't wish to
I won't see you anyhow if that's an issue
Because I am a gentleman
Think of me as just your fan
Who remembers every dress you ever wore
Just the bad comedian
Your new boyfriend's better than
'Cause I don't really love you anymore

There'll be someday when your eyes do not enthrall me,
I'll be numb but realize you'll never call me

'Cause I've read your horoscope
And now I've given up all hope
So I don't really love you anymore
'Cause I've read your horoscope
And now I've given up all hope
So I don't really love you anymore

IT'S ONLY TIME

Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now?
It's only time.
It's only time.

What could stop this beating heart
once it's made a vow?
It's only time.
It's only time.

If rain won't change your mind,
let it fall.
The rain won't change my heart
at all.

Lock this chain
around my hand,
throw away the key.
It's only time.
It's only time.

Years falling
like grains of sand
mean nothing to me.
It's only time.
It's only time.

If snow won't change your mind
let it fall.
The snow won't change my heart,
not at all.

(I'll walk your lands)
I'll walk your lands
(And swim your sea)
And swim your sea

Marry me.
Marry me.

(Then in your hands)
Then in your hands
(I will be free)
I will be free

Marry me.
Marry me.

Why would I stop loving you
a hundred years from now?

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 15:39:28 GMT

Billy Lopez is a brilliant lyricist. I'm going to start posting our song lyrics here, until I figure out how to update our website: www.thegapingabyss.com. We have a MySpace site, too: www.myspace.com/thegapingabyss

The following song is catchy, set to basically three chords, a la Pachelbel's Canon.

A Solid Reason

Cynthia,
Are you high or something?
Are you gonna be there
If I come and get you?
I'll put you in a cab, drive you back;
The joke is I don't even really want to know.

You'll be sleeping off the party,
I'll be talking to your body;
I don't need a solid reason...

You'll be fine
If I should ever leave you.
You seem quite resilient--
All you need are weekends.
Go get a boyfriend with a Cadillac,
He can probably get you where you need to go.

I can't fault you as a girlfriend,
I'm not worried about another man,
But I don't need a solid reason...

To up
And say goodbye.
No time
To ask me why.
I've never
Had to be strong.

Cynthia,
This is where I leave you.
Nothing lasts forever,
But don't be a stranger.
I'll put you in a cab, drive you back,
Then I'm getting out and walking home alone.

Ever since we first collided
I've been feeling undecided,
But I don't need a solid reason 'cause I know.

Alanis Morissette's Inevitable Return, Exhibit B

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 02:32:58 GMT

I went on BMG to try to take advantage of $5 CDs while I still work at Random House, and look what it said when I typed in Alanis Morisette's JAGED LITTLE PILL:

Special Promotion: Sales restricted title available for a limited time due to popular demand. Item cannot be further discounted or taken as a bonus or free selection. Item does not qualify you to receive sale or free selections with your offer. You will be billed at the price shown plus shipping and handling.

I knew it! "Due to popular demand"? She is so back.

Finally, Dylan

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 22:16:02 GMT

It's about time!

These lyrics are great:

Sign on the window says "Lonely,"
Sign on the door said "No Company Allowed,"
Sign on the street says "Y' Don't Own Me,"
Sign on the porch says "Three's A Crowd,"
Sign on the porch says "Three's A Crowd."

Her and her boyfriend went to California,
Her and her boyfriend done changed their tune.
My best friend said, "Now didn' I warn ya,
Brighton girls are like the moon,
Brighton girls are like the moon."

Looks like a-nothing but rain . . .
Sure gonna be wet tonight on Main Street . . .
Hope that it don't sleet.

Build me a cabin in Utah,
Marry me a wife, catch rainbow trout,
Have a bunch of kids who call me "Pa,"
That must be what it's all about,
That must be what it's all about.

I Love Kat Vondy

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 23:15:22 GMT

There I was, typing away, deleting unnecessary information, fixing grammar, and all the other things an editor does at an even more frantic pace his last week in the publishing world. And then, she appeared: the little IM window with the familiar screenname, telling me she's coming in two weeks. Sweet. We shall do improvisational walking, and we shall rejoice. About my post-breakup journal entries, she said, "man, let go of the bitterness." She also said, "EAT FROZEN BLUEBERRIES." And so, I shall.

Kat Vondy rules!

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 16:14:22 GMT

Finally, I'm back to my old hobby of discovering new music. Casan Wells Callaway let me borrow the Clap Your Hands Say Yeah CD, which his younger brother burned for him. Why are little brothers so cool now? When did this happen?

Anyway, so far I like "Over and Over Again" and "Is This Love?" and "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Love."

Can't wait for the new New Pornographers.

I do like the new Death Cab single.

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:45:41 GMT

http://www.myspace.com/deathcabforcutie

The sound quality isn't the best on the myspace streaming file, but I do like this song, despite many complaints I've read about. Death Cab is just going in a direction that brings them a little closer to The Postal Service. How can that be a bad thing? Seriously, I think the rest of the album will still have the loud guitars and fullness of their sound.

Search my bag, copper

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 21:13:42 GMT

Civil liberties keep on-a-going away...yay...

http://nytimes.com/2005/07/21/nyregion/21cnd-security.html?hp

My boss's advice

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 19:59:52 GMT

My boss here is so wonderful. I don't know if I'll ever have such a good relationship with a supervisor ever again. I'm looking forward to teaching high school kids and doing the clubs and the trips and the discussions about Spanish literature, but part of me is having very strong second thoughts.

Anyway, I just delivered some bad news about a book that's about to go to print. Basically, the printer screwed up the color of the photo insert (white instead of cream). All she said was, "No use shedding tears over something that can't be fixed."

It couldn't have been more well timed.

The Return of Alanis Morissette

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 18:14:35 GMT

The Return of Alanis Morissette continues:

At Daffy's today during lunch, they were playing that song that goes "You've already won me over / In spite of me / Don't be surprised if I fall / Head over feet"

Oh, she's definitely back. Tenth year anniversary of JAGGED LITTLE PILL, people! They were playing her at DAFFY'S!

By the way, everyone HAS to go see Cristina Septien's play, TO ONE I SAW SMALL. It was beautiful, and like her plays always do, it shows off amazing technical precision in its movement, visuals, sound, and staging, but it also has an enormous heart, and may very well bring you to tears by the end. Please go see it:

Friday-Sunday, July 22-24 at 9pm;
Thursday-Saturday July 28-30 at 9pm
Merce Cunningham Studios
55 Bethune Street between Washington and West Streets
Greenwich Village
Take the A/C/E to 14 St and walk south on 8 Av; right on Bethune

Tickets: $20 sponsor/ $15 general/ $12 artists and students
Reservations at (212) 352-7112

Yet Another Blog!

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 05:08:46 GMT

Finally, methinks I've arrived at the right place for blogging. First, my .mac account expired. Then, my friends told me to stop updating my Friendster blog because they kept getting emails about it. Well, hopefully third time's the charm.

The mariomariomario comes from the Puccini's Tosca, Act I, in which Tosca calls out, "Mario! Mario! Mario!" My voice teacher in college always greeted me this way and now so does my current voice teacher. This, by the way, is as pretentious as I get.

My stepbrother and his wife once told me that as you get older, the dating period usually shortens, and people tend to get engaged much more quickly than they would have when they were younger. Is it possible that once women get past the age 30, they start to become less selective of their potential husbands? I wonder if once a woman (and a man, too, I suppose) gets to a certain age and hasn't found the person who will meet her (or his) every "relationship need," and finally realizes that there probably isn't such a person (because let's face it, no one's going to meet every single need, and once the honeymoon period ends, it's a matter of choice, openness, and work that keeps a relationship going, if the important needs are still being met), I wonder if at that point, she (or he) will finally focus all her (or his) love on the person with whom she (or he) is, and then that's when they feel like they've found "the one." And that isn't a pessimistic view of relationships; it's a wonderfully optimistic view of them, because it hinges on making a choice. On free will. On the understanding that everything has its ups and downs, and on the desire to see a person age and spend a lifetime with them.

Of course, there's the whole matter about "falling out of love"--the great stumbling block to commitment. And it's there that the dividing line rests between those who live moment to moment and forget what it was they ever liked about a person in the first place, and those who never forget how much love they felt for a person, especially if it was a powerful connection, something that is exquisitely rare, even in a big city like New York, where lots of smart, ambitious, attractive people tend to cluster. I guess I fall under the latter. It's like I can just go to this place in my mind where the feeling is, and just turn it on, and it's there, as strong as it ever was. Perhaps this is why "Grand Canyon" by The Magnetic Fields has soared to the top of my favorite songs list:

If I was the Grand Canyon
I'd echo everything you say
but I'm just me
I'm only me
and you used to love me that way
so you know how to love me that way

If I was Paul Bunyan
I'd carry you so far away
but I'm just me
I'm only me
and you used to love me that way
so you know how to love me that way

Anyway, I guess the point, if there is one, is that I wonder why it is that at 25, I feel completely okay with the idea of being with one person for the rest of my life, while so many other guys my age think that's crazy. And of course, my experience so far has taught me that even a woman reaching 30 could very well be of the same mind/maturity level as most of my 25-year-old friends, so age must not be that great a factor in this dividing line. Still, I can't help but wonder, probably because of what so many of my older friends and family have told me (that, after fourteen months, my last relationship may not have ended had my ex been closer to my age), if age does make a woman decide to just cut off any emotional attachment at the first or second sign that this is not the one who fits her every single requirement for the role of "husband/father." How is it even possible to know such a thing in so quick an amount of time? I guess that's the mystery of the whole thing, and the moment I give up thinking about this absurd puzzle with which I imagine we all struggle.

I still kind of wish I could understand it better, though.